It is stealthy.
It is hefty.
It is always full of surprises.
It is relentless.
It is incomprehensible.
It gets a lot of “well you look just fine.”
It is silent.
It is unimaginable.
It gets doctors into believing “no way that its true”.
It is tricky.
Its sticky.
And in the dead of night, it hits all the wrong tunes.
I get it. There aren’t many who do. As a member of your lyme army, your lyme family, I do. Your family, your friends, your spouse, your kids – they have no idea how intense a beast the suffering is. I do. We all do.
In the wee small hours of the morning when you are hanging between life and death, you wonder if this will be the night. Is that your heart stopping? Is that your heart beating out of control? Is that your liver about to burst? Are your lungs able to fill with air? Is that your throat swelling shut? Can I feel my feet or hands? What is that hot burning sensation?
I get it. But even I suffered differently than you. Even you suffered differently than me. Sometimes I wondered if anyone suffered as much or endured as much or if I could take one more minute.
Those first two years of trying to heal and hitting the wall again and again, Easter still came around once a year. Good Friday came around once a year. Its amazing how the world keeps spinning when you just want to get off and stop the ride.
Jesus suffered. He sweat drops of blood. He was in agony, not just physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Just like you. Just like me.
Your body is on fire. Your mind is a fog. Your heart is screaming in panic and your soul longs to be done with it all and just go home.
Jesus suffered. Not just privately in his own home, but publicly. He suffered in front of his besties, his mother and his enemies.
Near one Easter and in the midst of my agony and terror, I thought about how much He suffered and that He might just be the one person who knew how much it hurt. He must know how terrifying it felt. He must know how it stretches your faith to the brink of extinction all the while girding up strength. He must know how emotionally broken you feel – I felt. He must know.
I asked Him in the wee small hours of the morning, if it was worse than this. I mean, I knew it had to be. I couldn’t fathom feeling this bad and then being nailed to a cross half naked in front of those I loved and those who hated me. I asked Him where was he in my suffering because if really needed to know.
Immediately, I vivid picture came into my mind. There He was standing vigil by my bedside. His right hand was upon my heart, the heart that was in a million kinds of pain and wouldn’t beat right and sometimes stopped and sometimes raced out of control. His hand was upon my chest. Simultaneously, he was rubbing my legs. The legs that would go numb, the legs that would feel on fire, the legs that felt like I was standing on hot coals. His loving healing hands were rubbing them.
I felt encapsulated and I could just feel like He knew. He just knew and He had always been there.
The suffering. It remained. The pain, it remained too. But He was there and I now knew.
He wasn’t going anywhere.
Just ask him. Because He knows.
Blessings and healing,
Janice Fairbairn – The Lyme Evangelist
softcover book – http://www.amazon.com/author/janicefairbairn
eBook – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JustLivingLikeThisWithLyme
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/justlivinglikethiswithLYME
Blog – https://justlivinglikethiswithlyme.com/my-blog/
Twitter – https://twitter.com/lymeevangelist
Pintrest – http://www.pinterest.com/jpfairbairn/just-living-like-this-with-lyme/
YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCul1VGlVLd6L0IjDwyPCOXg
Tumblr – http://janicelymeevangelist.tumblr.com/
Read Next- How To fix WordPress errors