Holidays are hard, birthdays are hard, special events difficult when you are battling chronic illness. I remember, the last few Easters, the joy and celebration of Spring and Easter Egg hunts and songs of “He is Risen” fell on deaf ears for me.
When chronically ill, it remains difficult to share in joy with others while you suffer so much agony. Any special ocasion or holiday just made me weep uncontrollably. Would this be my last, would I get well enough to be able to truly celebrate? Why can’t I stop crying despite having so much else to be joyful about?
Can any of you relate to the deep dark season of perpetual crying? In my family, crying is an art. We cry when we are happy, sad, confused, bewildered, upset, frustrated, or just watching that emotional commercial….I’m not sure how my dad survived the house of 4 crying women. Our genes are good at producing tears.
Imagine though, feeling as if the tears will never end.
Whether is was deep mourning at the sudden loss of my dear friend during my illness or fear of the unknown or the pain – my tears seemed unending. Then I came across a special verse that spoke volumes to my soul.
“List my tears in your scroll, are they not in your record?” Psalm 56:8 NIV
There is record of my tears in heaven. There is record of your tears in heaven. The King James Version says “Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?”
Believe me when I say, I can imagine how large the room must be to hold all the bottles of my tears, and your tears. They are there, there is a record of each one. The Message puts it like this:
“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”
I don’t know where you are in your life on Easter Monday, but I want each of you to know that your tears are written in His ledger and kept in bottles in heaven. Every single one. I don’t know if you were able to celebrate what the resurrection means for each of us, or if yesterday gave you hope for the first time, or if you spent the day crying in agony, but He does know and he keeps track.
At breakfast this morning, my kids are having a conversation about the Rapture, when Jesus returns to take us all to heaven and we get our resurrected bodies. (I know my kids are incredibly awesome and talk about the coolest stuff.) My son, pipes up with “it could be next month, next week, or today. Wow, we could be in heaven today.” Then my daughter adds, “yes, with no more tears or pain”.
That is the hope of Easter. Its okay if you are still in the season of perpetual crying. God’s just collecting them all and writing them down. But grab hold of hope. There is a day coming that he will snatch us all up and take us to meet him in glory with no more pain and no more tears.
If you would like more encouragement and hear more about finding hope in chronic illness, check out my book “My God, My Lyme” on Amazon or Ibook store or the link below to Lulu.com.
Blessings,
Janice Fairbairn
Book – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JustLivingLikeThisWithLyme
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