Off With Their Heads!

When I was in grade school, the kids couldn’t find anything to rhyme with my name to taunt me and properly make fun of me, until one day, Thomas Clark came up with Praying Mantis Janice. Prophetic? Hmmmm……

While riding in the car last week, my son was reading from an insect book and read me the page about the praying mantis. The females, after mating with the males, then proceed with biting off their heads and eating them. Well, that’s one way to avoid conflict in the relationship I guess.

In chronic illness, I can assure you that biting off someone’s head happens figurtively often and is literally tempting. The Lyme rage and the chronic sickness pity party have a way of making everyone who isn’t sick the enemy.

They are so ungrateful for being healthy.

They are not helpful enough around the house.

They just don’t get how much pain I am in.

They are just not supportive enough of my road to healing.

Why don’t they call or check on me more often?

Oh, I’ve thought those thoughts and more, believe me. When in despair, wicked and evil thoughts against others will rage. I will say that as chronically ill people we are vastly paranoid that others are judging us and ignoring us when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. That being said, don’t grossly underestimate the ability for those close to you to be in denial or judge you. We are human in fact, and imperfect people act imperfect.

“Use your words” is a phrase I repeat to my kids often. I find myself teaching them how to make a petition versus a complaint dozens of times a day. That is the advice I have for you who are sick and fighting for healing. Communicate to others what is going on and how you are feeling. I know it gets exhausting telling people “I’m having a bad day”, but otherwise, they will take for granted the pain you feel that they can’t see.

We can’t expect others to support us if we can’t tell them what we need. How can they best help you? What would benefit you or your family through your crisis? Do you need prayer, meals, rides, babysitting, laundry or someone to laugh and cry with?

I know, there are many spouses who have given up and just can’t hack the hard road it takes to help you recover. To you I am truly sorry – and I wish someone would tear off their heads to get their attention! I pray that your spouses and friends will step up to the plate when you ask for help and can make it for the long haul.

They have no struggles, their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man, they are not plagued by human ills. (Psalm 73:4-5)

Watch out for the pity party. In its grip and to its delight, the longer you stay there the more damage it does to your healing, your character and your relationships. Too much sympathy from loved ones can feed it like a parasite that it is, sucking the fight and happiness right out of you.

It does no good to compare your life to others, especially only to those who appear to be healthy and well. For as many healthy, there are as many in greater pain and sorrow than yourself.

Controlling my anger and frustration in Lyme was a terrible struggle. I was short tempered to my kids and a terrible mean spirited wife to my man. Why is that? The people we love the most get our best and our worst. And man did I shell out my worst.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”(James 4:1)

“Fools give full vent to their anger, but the wise bring it in control.” (Prov 29:11)

The struggle against the flesh to control your anger and bitterness in chronic illness is HUGE. But fight it and don’t give in. The bitterness will grow and fester and impede your healing. But don’t be too hard on yourself for your explosions either. Anger and rage in chronic illness are common because of all the toxins in the body and the exhaustion, etc. It is a natural human response. Recognize it and don’t feed it emotionally by dwelling or pitying your situation. If you work on your emotional strength and positive attitude, the rages will have less power.

Play positive music, books and laugh as often as you can. And make sure you are never hungry and angry at the same time, so their heads don’t look as appetizing…..

Blessings for healing,
Janice

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