I vaguely remember daydreaming with a friend as we were both steeped deeply in naivety as first time pregnant women. Our conversations would drift happily through la la land about the challenges and heartaches we would experience as parents. Blah, blah, blah. Parenting is nothing like you can imagine. It is nothing like I expected.
Sure, you can’t prepare a new parent for how it hurts your heart when they hurt, or how having to repeat the same thing 12 times every minute can drive you over the edge. Or how listening to “she touched me”, “he looked at me” or the verses from Frozen over and over again can make you more than slightly insane.
But that’s not the half of it for me. It’s not the half of it for any parent with chronically ill kids.
A normal kid gets the stomach flu for 6 days and gets dehydrated and it’s a tough parenting moment sure. Well, we get parasites, throw up for 4 weeks, spend their college savings over the next 6 months trying to get rid of it.
A normal family has an air conditioner that breaks out of warranty and pays $5000 cash for a new one. Our house has mold that is toxic for our kids and we spend $25,000 getting it out.
Normal kids don’t get invited to a birthday party. I have to make special snacks for every birthday party we ever go to!!! My kids don’t get the birthday cake, the lollypop in the drive thru, the treat from the teacher – EVER.
Normal kids get a scratch on the playground, my kids get dizzy at school and have chronic headaches from what – oh yes, mycoplasma and candida overgrowth.
Normal kids fight. My kids fight mycotoxicosis and mastocytosis.
We spend more money each month on their supplements and medicine than normal people do on their monthly food budget.
I spend hours on my knees begging God to provide wisdom and then more hours reading medical articles with words I don’t understand. These aren’t the things I signed up for in parenting. This wasn’t in the instruction manual. I am not qualified for this. I want to spend time praying for their future spouses, their future, future careers, children and success.
But I pray for this day and the next. I pray we get closer to healing and answers. I pray for strength to endure just this day. I pray for the wisdom and patience not to lose it on them or the sweet lady on the phone trying to fix my hospital billing problem.
I actually get excited with the school nurse calls me and it is only a sprained ankle. That’s the most normal thing that has happened to us their entire school years so far. It would ruin a normal person’s day and it makes mine.
I’m not comparing, I’m just ranting and raving. I wouldn’t want normal anybody to have to experience this or go through this. It’s not for the faint of heart. It sucks quite literally most days to trudge through it all.
But, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. All of this is worth it when I see how awesome my kids are. I mean, I would do all of this times 100 for them over and over again out of love. But, I mean it’s worth it seeing what God is teaching them.
Normal is overrated.
Normal is boring.
Normal doesn’t build character.
Normal doesn’t put deep roots on your faith.
My kids don’t have pity parties. They would never rant about not being normal (like I am right now). They have perseverance down pat. They are so positive and can do just about anything required of them despite all they go through and have been through.
I am glad they aren’t normal kids. I’m glad we don’t live a normal life. But I won’t stop praying that the nurse phone calls are just little normal playground mishaps. I won’t stop dancing a jig when that’s all they are.
I won’t stop praying that they get better and the suffering is lifted. I won’t stop praying that I can carry their burden so they don’t have to. I won’t stop praying that all the medical expenses will decrease so we could actually spend that money on rewarding our kids and taking them to Disney. And I won’t stop praying that if we can ever afford to take them to Disney I don’t stress out about the food, chlorine in the pool and toxins in the hotel……..
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Blessings and healing,
Janice Fairbairn
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