Happy Friday – My New PhD


laughin-laosIn my old college days, we played quarters, we played chandeliers, we played horseshoes – you name it and we drank it. The one beer game I was reminded of this week, though, was when we would watch a particular movie and drink each time we heard a certain word. This I don’t recommend.

I’m not throwing this out there for ideas – please don’t try this at home. But it a testiment to how my life has changed – mostly for the better of course because I’m not playing immature ridiculous and dangerous drinking games.

But as I was mixing up an electrolyte drink this week with Miralax (for the upteenth time), I began to ponder something. What if in our house, a person had to take a drink of this everytime I said the word “poop”. I mean seriously, stay with me here – as parents and as parents of “special needs” or “chronically ill”  kids, I feel like at times I am consumed by poop.

Is it happening, how often, what color, what consistency – I have a PhD in bowel movements.

If I had a dollar for everytime I said poop, all our medical bills would be paid in full for 10 years.

If everytime I said poop earned me a mile, we could circumvent the globe twice on my frequent flyer miles.

I pray for bowel movements, my husband and I discuss bowel movements. I talk to teachers about poop and friends about poop. I am sick to death of poop – and I’m sure if you are a friend of mine you are sick to death of praying and talking about poop too.

I’ve got poop stories, poop riddles, poop jokes and poop nightmares.

Is this what 90 year old nursing home people do all day – sit around and talk about their poop? Well, I’m ready for the home then. I’ve got all kinds of stories and ammunition that is going to entertain the pants off all those old people in my golden years at the home. They are going to lose teeth laughing at my poop delimas and poop escapades.

Until then, I will add up my dollars and tally up my miles and keep counting the word “poop”, even in my prayers.

Blessings and healing,

Janice Fairbairn

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