So, I thought I was so organized, ordering my Christmas cards weeks ago so I can get them actually mailed ahead of time this year. Then, the cards arrived from a particular online vendor and they were way too dark. (as you can see) Cranky and disappointed, I began the 3 day process of ordering new ones, putting in for a credit and expedited shipping on the new ones. Yes it really took 3 days and 2 emails and 6 online chats to get a credit.
Result, is that the new not-so-dark Christmas cards will be late and I lost time and energy being cranky about it.
Honestly, I should have, could have mailed out the way-too-dark cards. I mean they really best represent what our year has been like. I mean, we are all in one piece and have much to be blessed and thankful for, but the year was a bit hazy.
If I wasn’t so vain, I would have sent them out with a clever letter explaining it. But instead, I wasted energy getting cranky, reordering cards but my thoughts got the best of me and I decided to blog about it.
Wouldn’t it be great in our seasons of struggle if what people saw in us was actually what we felt or what was going on?
I mean, that dark photo card was a true representation of our year, but I don’t want that to be the image portrayed right?
I want to appear put together, happy, healthy and flat out bubbling with joy. But at times this year, I have been down, beyond cranky, and flat out on my face begging God for relief and answers and swimming in my tears.
Why is it we put on this face, this impression that we are “all together” with nothing going wrong. I mean, I let my inner circle see my vunerability and struggle, but not the rest of the world. NO way, no how.
How many times have I dropped the kids at school this year and prayed that no one saw me wiping my tears or biting my lip to hold back the tears on the way out of the building? How many of you have held it back and prayed no one asked you how you were?
Sure, I want to be more private than the typical FB poster, sharing way too much and everything single thought or feeling. On the other hand, am I not sharing enough and pretending too much? Not allowing others to see the “real” me, the one who is not so put together and really has fears and struggles and cries too much.
Our dark photo represents the fact that we are here, we are functioning, we are happy at times and fighting for survival at others.
It shows that sometimes despite the hurt and healing adventure, we can still capture moments. We can still create memories and good times they just might be a bit fuzzy or shadowed at times by the hard stuff we trudge through.
It shows we are human and not perfect. Oh my, Lord help us, we are far from perfect. We we are way far, just like the photo is way dark.
We all need to show a little more chinks in our armour and a little of our not so perfect selves more often. Our humaness makes us more likeable, more loveable and more real. It helps others not feel as defeated or discouraged.
I love seeing one of my friend’s houses a complete wreck – it gives me comfort, great comfort. I love hearing someone tell me they snapped at their kids that morning for no apparent reason – I mean poor kids, but it give me relief that someone else screws up.
I am trying to be more real, to peel off my protection layers to the right audiences so we can all find comfort in our shared flaws.
So, in an effort to be more real, here is my confession: I fell down the stairs in the front of the auditorium half full of people before my daughter’s Christmas program last week. I am still nuturing the bruises up and down my legs from the damage. In my defense, it was a “cool” fall because my daughter looked back at me and said “Mommy, that was like a disco slide”.
I am a work in progress. I will laugh at seeing my way-too-dark Christmas card and my selfie snapshot of our family on our replacement card next to all the artfully and perfectly designed family photo cards we will recieve this year. I will celebrate the families that send out ones with one or more kids looking n0t-so-happy in the photo and take comfort in knowing one or both parents were gritting their teeth or pinching one of their kids just to get the photo done. I will take comfort in the cards that arrive late or way late and appreciate those people sharing a bit of their “real” with me this Christmas season.
I wish you all a blessed Christmas season in sharing the real reason for the holiday and the gift God gave us in his son.
I pray you all find a way to be more real and share your “realness” with others.
Blessings and healing,
Janice Fairbairn – the Lyme Evangelist
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