My Two Selves

It might predate many of you, but the show Green Acres from the 60’s had a uppity city woman married to a hoboken farmer. They had dual lives living from one to the other – the country to the city life. It also had an annoying theme song….but I digress.

Imagine having that kind of conflict within your own body – the contrast of country living and city girl! That’s me.

I loved growing up in a small town. I love fishing, road trips, frog legs and anything fried. I grew up cruising the strip. We got the first stop light after I graduated. I love bonfires and shooting skeet and trucks and muddin’. I love saying ya’ll, listening to George Strait and Alabama and eating pecan pie.

I also couldn’t wait to get as far away from that small town as I could get as fast as I could get.

I love travelling, the farther away the better. I love moving (I know I’m crazy like that). I love new cultures, food, music and art of another country. I love big cities. I love walking to work. I love museums and art galleries and the theatre district. I love eating a a cuturally different cuisine each night. I love people watching on public transportation.

These are the two juxtiposed parts of me. I am a small town girl with a big life experience tank that needs to be filled. How do those two things mix?

Well, its a bit like oil and vinegar. When left to sit out, they separate and want to go their own way. But if you have lived with them long enough, you know to shake them up and let them marinate together.

That’s the best way I can explain the before and after of chronic illness. The person I was before I got sick is still here. Workaholic, driven, passionate, selfish and adventurous. But now, after chronic illness, there is this new person. This new person is more selfless, spontaneous and grateful, but can struggle with fears. I am now more apt to throw caution to the wind, appreciate each day and not take life too seriously (well, I’m still working on that one).

But some days, its like oil and vinegar, the two parts just don’t mix. I can’t be the person I was before I got sick but I can’t forget her either. Its more like adding a layer to a dessert, or putting the icing on the cake. I am still who I was, but I am now a better version of me with the before and after all shaken up.

Are any of you having this same difficulty – rationalizing who the new you is without recreating an entirely new person? Shake them up and let the two parts combine to become one. Do not let the illness be who you are. You are still the person you were before you got sick, just a different version.

Blessings and healing,

Janice Fairbairn – The Lyme Evangelist

softcover book – http://www.amazon.com/author/janicefairbairn
eBook – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JustLivingLikeThisWithLyme
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/justlivinglikethiswithLYME
Blog – https://justlivinglikethiswithlyme.com/my-blog/
Twitter – https://twitter.com/janicewithlyme
Pintrest – http://www.pinterest.com/jpfairbairn/just-living-like-this-with-lyme/