Its my Dependence Day…..

I grew up strong and independent, courageous and somewhat fearless. I travelled, I experienced, I rebelled, and I got in a little trouble. Its not my strength or courage or fearlessness or sense of adventure that has caused the most trouble in life, however, its been my independence.

My independence keeps me from being a good parent at times, keeps me from being a good wife more than sometimes and kept me from being a good sick person nearly the whole time.

There is nothing that crushes your independent nature more than being chronically ill – next to marriage of course. I had too much pride surrounding my never having to be needy or vulnerable or weak. I thought all these things were bad and not appealing and unattractive.

Then I crashed and needed everything from everyone. I had to depend on a small army of friends and family to hold me and my kids up and get us everywhere. I hated being weak, hated being needy, hated not being able to do anything without help. I hated helplessness.

Don’t get me wrong – despising those things also kept me fighting for healing and health. But I had to learn to coexist with asking for help and accepting it. I had to accept that I am indeed dependent.

Have you heard the phrase “it takes a village?” Well, it should, it does. We were designed like lions, to be in community, to be in family and depend on one another. To need each other to survive is in our very nature and being.

I had to accept being strong and dependent at the same time. I can not be independent and be dependent on God. I cannot be independent and depend on my friends and family and husband and church. Being solely independent is a one way street to lonely. This world has too many hiccups and hurdles and potholes and sheer cliffs and crevices to traverse to do it alone.

I had to learn how to be dependent – I’m still learning how to be dependent. I must marry my strength with  a vulnerability for my faith and others around me in order to grow as a person. In order to be a better wife, in order to be a better friend, in order to be a better mother, to be a better faith walker.

I must accept dependence.

I celebrate our country’s freedom and independence this weekend. I celebrate and pray for each of you crawling toward healing for your independence from the overwhelming needs from others, so you can handle living on your own because you feel better. But moreover, I pray you each also find your dependence on your way to living free from Lyme.

Blessings and healing,

Janice Fairbairn – The Lyme Evangelist

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