When you are chronically ill, time is the only thing you have in abundance. You lack strength, stamina, energy, sleep, money and sometimes friends. Time is all you have – too much of it. The clock moves slowly – tick, tock. In the wee small hours of the morning and during times of extreme duress, it even seems to stall or crawl backward trying to keep dawn at bay.
Tons of time and nothing to do with it. Chronic illness leaves you unable to read or focus. Chronic illness keeps you home bound many times for months or years. How do you pass the time when you don’t have the energy for special projects, house cleaning, reading a new book, working, playing, researching on the internet, knitting, exercising, calling a friend, etc?
Idleness is the enemy of the soul. (The Rule of St. Benedict – 6th century)
This statement became prevalent with ancient monks in the middle ages and some say led them to invent the clock. They believed that only two activities elevated the soul; hard work and prayer. Monks created the clock to measure and balance their devotion to serving God and reading the word and praying. They did not invent the clock to track their superiority over other monasteries. They did not invent the clock to increase their productivity or ROI. They did not invent the clock to painfully watch the minutes tick by. We have toxified time.
We live in a culture that is immune to extra time. We have antibodies to reject idleness from every cell in our bodies. Contemplation and recreation are noxious to our hurried-ness. Do you live under the tyranny of the urgent? (The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith)
Is this why, when our physical bodies have been forced to sit or lay or relax and heal, we feel unable to let time do what is necessary? We want a quick fix, an immediate pill, a surgery to get us up and back out there. Let me tell it to you straight.
You cannot hurry healing.
What took years to degrade in your body, will take years to heal. It is not going to happen overnight. It will not be easy. It will not be for the faint of heart. It will be character building. It will take time, lots of it. There will be extra time to be found in many days and months that you will have a difficult time settling in with.
Breathe.
Idleness is the inability to use your time for anything at all. But the truth is in idleness within chronic illness, there is healing taking place. Rest is necessary. Rest is not laziness. Rest is not frivolous. It is not doing nothing. We can be still and not be idle.
I will repeat that. We can be still while fighting for healing and not be idle.
In fact, you shouldn’t be idle. It is the enemy of our soul, because in idleness doubt, uncertainty and fear creep in and become your main focus. But what can I do, if I cannot do anything?
Just like the monks did. Pray. Meditate. Contemplate. Read. Write.
But how do I do those simple quiet things all day every day on this healing journey and not go crazy?
One day at a time.
Gather names from your friends or neighborhood of people who need prayer and take it you personal job to intercede on their behalf. I mean, really, who else has that many hours a day to petition the throne room on their behalf? No one. Maybe that is why you have been given this gift of time. Right thank you notes to 5 new people a day that you appreciate or admire. Learn how to knit from YouTube.
Yes, it is a gift. A glorious gift to have it in abundance. Use it wisely. Do not squander this extra time.
Blessings and healing,
Janice Fairbairn – The Lyme Evangelist
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