During the deepest part of my valley, I know I looked sick – down to below 85 lbs my “bones were definitely on display”. But trying to describe to someone else how you feel and why you are so sick can be discouraging. I know Lymies who look “perfectly normal” meaning they don’t lose or gain weight but feel exactly like I did inside. It can be a tremendous burden to feel obligated to explain to coworkers and loved ones what is actually going on inside to help them understand. Most of the time, however, it is to try and defend your weakened position because many will feel you are “faking” it, or just can’t work through the pain.
As I was reading the bible this morning, I came to the 22nd Psalm and it hit me. These words are an incredible description of the innerworkings of a Lyme body in the throws of the illness.
Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
Roaring lions that tear their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
My mouthis dried up like a potsherd (broken pottery),
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs surround me,
a pack of villains encircles me;
they pierce my hands and my feet.
All my bones are on display;
people stare and gloat over me. (Psalm 22:12-17)
Right, fellow Lymies? Poured out like water, feeling dry and empty, laying in the dust of death. My heart turned to wax and has melted within me describes the very battle of the soul and the heart to have hope in the storm of Lyme. The bulls, lions and dogs are the bill collectors, the insurance, the condescending doctors, the boss, the unbelieving coworkers or family members.
The Message states it like this:
I’m a bucket kicked over and spilled,
every joint in my body has been pulled apart.
My heart is a blob
of melted wax in my gut.
I know some of you feel like every joint in your bodies has been pulled apart and that your heart is a blob of melted wax in your gut. As I meditated on this passage this morning and over all the pain that is spilled out in your life due to Lyme, I turned the page and landed on Psalm 23 and was immediately comforted. David agonized and vunerably displayed his pain in Psalm 22, yet in Psalm 23, showed us his faith and belief in God to save him from the “valley of the shadow of death”. God will “lead you beside still waters and restore your soul also”.
He might not releieve the pain and disease today, but there will be relief. The physical pain and agony will come to bear, and in the meantime he can “restore your soul”.
I pray over each of you that “the Lord may answer you when you are in distress; May the name of the God of Jacob protect you” in this terrible battle against the evils of Lyme. May He give you the desires of your heart and make your plans for healing and relief succeed. (Psalm 20:1-6)
Blessings,
Janice Fairbairn
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