Oh,yes, in the old days, I epotimized “living life on the edge”. I tested the limits of my physical body, emotional self and the limits of the law. I drank too much, smoked too much, worked too much, didn’t eat right and slept little. It was a ripe combination for an erruption. Why does youth feel so immortal? In my “sowing the wild oats” stage of life, I would often say that I liked to live life on the edge, but with a rail.
You see I was a rebel, but with a cause. Luckily, because I was a workaholic and chocked full of ambition, I kept the wild life in check. What I really didn’t realize until God showed me much later, was the Holy Spirit was my rail. I was raised in a church and accepted Christ as my Savior in church camp, but wandered into adulthood without much of a moral compass at all.
Looking back on my wild decade, I realize I shouldn’t have survived. How on earth I made it is by the grace of God and because He alone numbers our days. The rail that I thought was my “self control” or my own choices was really the Holy Spirit and the grace of God.
How is this relevant to chronic illness and Lyme? Well, in my thoughts and in the pit of the Lyme, God remined me of this rail.
Psalm 139:16 says “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
God is the one who hedges in, decides where the rail of the illness is and for how long it will rage.
“…and heals all your diseases.” (Psalm 103:3)
Why then does your illness rage on? Why can’t it just be gone and be gone for good? Why can’t you return to “normal” or “regular health”? Oh, my dears, I wish I knew and had all the answers. But, know this, I struggle still. What I do know is that He is the rail. He is sovereign and He is the one who heals. Whether He does it through doctors, prayer, change of lifestyle, detoxing – its still His choice, its His rail, His footprint, He numbers the days.
“What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.” (Revelation 3:7-8)
All I can tell you is what I pray. After reading the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, I found renewed courage and stamina to keep praying the unaswered prayers without ceasing. I will not stop praying for complete healing for me and the kids, but until then, I pray for an open door to the next step toward healing (Rev 3:7-8). I pray that our strength will equal our days (Deut 33:25), and that He will heal all our diseases (Psalm 103:3) and provide me the wisdom and strength for the journey (Prov 2:6).
Navigating this chronic illness for yourself or a loved one is a burden too big without a rail. I pray the Holy Spirit fills you and provides each of you the guidance and wisdom for this journey.
To wisdom and healing,
Janice Fairbairn
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