X-ray contacts

I was a gullible 15 year old working my first real job, developing pictures in a darkroom of a photography studio. When developing photos we used a safe yellow light to be able to “see” what we were doing. When developing film, however, it had to be completely dark and we had to use our other senses to work. My teacher, Patrick, showed my how to do the film practicing in the light. In my frustration for having difficulty in the dark and wondering how he could do it so fast, he answered me “I have x-ray contacts”.

It seriously took me days to figure out he was pulling my leg. I figured out much faster not to water the silk plants in the office, but that’s another story.

In chronic illness, sometimes you want to literally x-ray the body to get a better view of what’s going on inside it. Almost like the frog dissections we did in 7th grade, you want to be able to see what is causing all the problems and all the pain – just without the use of the knife.

Its one of our deepest unmet needs in this life, this world, to know more, to see it all, to know what will come tomorrow…..

When I started the lyme journey, if someone would have told me the number of days of struggle I would have, I would have given up. If someone would have been able to tell me the exact number of sleepless nights with the kids chronic illness and tears I would shed, I would have given up.

I can only handle what’s been handed me today, this day for this moment. I can yearn for the “how did I get this” or “when will it end”, but it is a useless waste of energy. This side of heaven, we will not know, cannot know. Honestly its because the Lord knows we can’t handle it. We can’t comprehend the complexities of chronic illness and what the body needs to heal. We can’t comprehend the creativity of His creation in our physical selves. We can’t comprehend why me and not you. We can’t fathom the why today and not tomorrow part of the boomerang in healing.

And I really hope once I get to heaven, the glory will so overwhelm me that it will remove the need to know. I can’t wait until that yearning disappears.

Until then, I will trust in my Savior that I have been given “everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3)

I will let go of control of things out of my control. I will not dissect every moment and every part of this illness but trust I have been given the knowledge to get through this day.

Blessings and Healing,

Janice

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