Rear View Mirror

I was picking up some homeopathic remedy refills at the doctor’s office yesterday who I have known for nearly 10 years now. She shared an office with the kinesiologist I used for years and helped me when I was extremely ill from Lyme.

As we exchanged product and payment, the doctor commented “Wow you sure look great. For awhile there I didn’t think you were doing to make it.”

I know. Neither did I. Really, I questioned and fought at death’s door too long to hide the fact that I questioned often if I was going to be ushered on through.

Now, before you think my ego needs to be in check, let me tell you, she is one of only a dozen people who saw me at my worst. My clothes hanging off me, ductaped on, empty eyes, unresponsive words, barely could stand- self.

Many people have asked if I have photos of how bad I was to compared to now. No. I wouldn’t let anyone take my picture. I didn’t want to see myself recorded in history that way. Uh huh. No way. But I know it is burned into the memory of those who knew me well and love me.

So as I pondered her words through the day yesterday, it ocurred to me that a perspective change like that can minimize the burdens remaining. Just the week before I was struggling with energy, sore muscles, diet restrictions, allergies and sickness for my kids, hair retention, hormones, etc. The leftover Post Lyme Symptoms that might be here for good, who knows. But they frustrate me, they keep me from living the way I want to some days. But do you know what I realized after the doctor’s office visit?

Those remaining leftover Lyme symptoms keep me from enjoying how far I’ve come. What a great reminder from someone – “hey you were near death and look at you now!”

Looking backward is not healthy most times, especially if you are looking back at the person you were before Lyme. Don’t do that, it is a terrible invitation to a pity party – it will suck you in. But looking back at how far healing has come is a good thing to do. Make your list of all the symptoms that ARE GONE! Celebrate that, even if its only one, or if its only down 10%. Celebrate the accomplishment. Your mental and emotional self needs a win.

Getting out of a swamp, the quagmire of Lyme isn’t easy. Being knee deep is still difficult to walk, but it sure beats being neck deep, right?

Look for a way to change your perspective. Call a friend or acquaitance struggling with loss, cancer, Autism, divorce etc. Listen and pray for them and then count your lucky stars to not share in their burden. We are each given a cross to bear. As difficult as it is to carry, I wouldn’t want someone else’s cross either.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. (Mark 8:34)

One of my fellow Lymies is right in the middle of a setback. Ugh. My heart breaks for her. To feel better and have a regression quite frankly, sucks. To have tasted the sweet nectar of living ionly to have it temporarily robbed away for a time. Make your list of the things you can do and couldn’t before. Focus onward and upward. The good days do get longer and the bad days stay around shorter. They will. They do.

You can’t drive forward safely if you’re staring into the rear view mirror too long. So don’t let your gaze stay here. Just make a altar of gratefulness, a benchmark of successes no matter how large or small then carry on. Keep moving forward, head down until its time for another altar of thankfulness to be built.

“Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told. (Hab 1:5)

Blessings,

Janice

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