“He started it” – The art of lashing outI

I am soooo good at blame. An expert in fact, ready to spray any and everyone in the vicinity with my shotgun pellets of rage, dissatisfaction, discouragement and hopelessness. I am an expert at lashing out.

Oh, and especially over the holidays where emotions run hot and families are in tight quarters. Oh and especially when I was fighting Lyme and the kids just wouldn’t behave and my husband didn’t grow 8 more tentacles for arms to get it all done around the house. My tolerating bucket would need to dump out often when I felt so sick – well, it still does.

There is something in my human self that feels the need for blame. It begins for all of us at a young age with “he started it” or “he touched me” when caught fighting with a sibling.

I still feel the need to stand and blame someone else. I need to blame someone else for feeling so weak at times. I need to point the finger at someone else for my Lyme rage and hormone imbalance. And it is definitely someone else’s fault that I caught the Christmas toffee on fire this year (true story, I really did) and forgot to pay the credit card bill. Definitely not my fault.

Why is that? I mean, there was not a single other person in the house when the toffee caught fire. Just me. (So except for the burnt pan and smoke smell, why did I confess?)

Why when bad things happen, can’t they just be bad things. Why do they have to be someone’s fault?

Sure, some of you are seriously suffering at the hands of a loved one that hurt you or betrayed you. But what good does it do to lash out or blame?

I will sometimes practice these insane conversations in my head with the people I really want to lash out at. Boy, can I tell them off good. And invariably sometimes I actually do tell them off. But what does that do for me? What does that do for my heart? What does blaming accomplish anyway?

Could it be that I just haven’t learned the art of “rolling with it” and “laughing at myself”? I tell my kids often to roll with life, take the hit and move on. Redirect. Change focus.

It my heart of hearts I realize its about forgiveness and grace. I don’t possess enough grace to dispense it everytime I need to blame. Everytime it is someone’s fault or every time it is not, I still need to have grace.

I need to be gracious. I don’t have the strength, I don’t have the capacity for this kind of grace.

But Jesus does. His grace is endless. His grace is a blanket of covering for it ALL. There is no blame when you swim the the grace pool of Christ. There is just no need for fault.

Jesus didn’t blame Judas. He didn’t blame Peter. He didn’t blame the Pilot. He didn’t blame Caiphas. No blame, just grace.

I need this grace. I need it like air, every minute of every day. I need grace to the the shield that blocks my blame-o-meter from firing into the crowd and into my family and loved ones.