I am not Lyme. Lyme is not me.

I am not Lyme. Lyme is not me.

My identity is not in Lyme, but I have a changed identity from the Lyme. It has forever changed me, and mostly for the better emotionally and spiritually.

Fingerprints can be left on your life from a job, a relationship, an experience and even a tragedy. It’s what we chose to do with those fingerprints, or the “residue” of the event that makes or breaks the deal. These impressions can be physical in manifestations, emotional and spiritual – in the case of Lyme, it’s all three.

Physically it has changed me. Not just because my body has been through a train wreck and come out of it, but because I have a new awakened understanding of my mortality. I am not invincible. One cannot live forever on Ho-Hos and Dr Pepper without serious consequences somewhere somehow (and my vices were much worse than those). My physicality is a product of what I put in it. That includes what music, what entertainment, what conversation, what self-talk and what food.

But don’t get me wrong, just because I understand my mortality, doesn’t mean I dwell on it and can’t live life as an optimist. Until you have a death scare or one near you, life is seen through a different pair of lenses. My outlook is forever changed. Plain and simple, you cannot live through something as traumatic as chronic Lyme and not be different.

The identity problem you hear being discussed in the Lyme community or chronically ill community often is one of releasing the illness. No matter how much it captured your life so fully, you still have to embrace wellness. You have to want to be well, you have to let go of being sick.

I am not Lyme. Lyme is not me.

Yes, part of the healing is letting go. You cannot so identify with your illness that you are its victim. Healing from chronic illness is about letting go and not giving the illness so much power. Think about it like focusing on a target to destroy it – like a sniper. Yes, you have to look at the target in the cross hairs or you won’t hit it, but don’t look at it so long that you lose the opportunity to extinguish it forever.

You have to know your target to get rid of it. You have to understand your target to terminate it. You have to fully accept and not be in denial, but you cannot then launch a full scale pity party and let it victimize you.

On the other hand, I also don’t agree with healing and never looking back. I will never forget I had Lyme. I will never stop being a Lyme advocate. I have a memorial built now in my life to remember what Lyme has done for me and my family – because it wasn’t all bad.

You see, how I lived before greatly affected how and when and why I got sick. I have to use history as a base for my present life and my future life if I’m given another tomorrow. I am a Lyme warrior. I was strong enough to come out the other side. I have been blessed with healing. My kids have been blessed with healing. My family is still together.

I am not Lyme. Lyme is not me.

I have had parts of my emotional and spiritual self refined, albeit painfully, but now are a better version of me. I have put to rest things in life that didn’t and don’t matter. I am at peace more often with whatever because today is the gift I’ve been given and I am not promised tomorrow.

I must use this opportunity, this new lease on life to help. I am compelled to spread awareness, help others survive,  and give a measure of hope to those suffering. I will never forget. I cannot have compassion and love and spread knowledge if I ever forget.

My name is Janice. I am a survivor. I am a warrior. I am changed. I am renewed.

I am not Lyme. Lyme is not me.

I have been redirected. I have been renamed. I have a new lease on life, on this day and I will live it.

Blessings and healing,

Janice Fairbairn – The LYme Evangelist

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