I am not BROKEN.

I am a woman who has seen affliction……

That’s what resonates in my soul this year. We had climbed out of a pit and two of us got knocked back down. I have suffered, I have neglected, I have been absent from important times. Unable to function at times throws off the “mojo” of the entire household for my kids. Teachers, assignments, homework, special projects – they all seem like insurmountable mountains at times like this.

He has led me and made me walk in darkness and not in light…

That darkness envelopes me in each cry of agony in my child hurting from this wicked disease. That darkness overtakes me with every medical bill and credit card bill we have to pay. I hope and believe and yet there is still darkness some days that is so thick I could hire a backhoe to dig us out.

My flesh and my skin grow aged, and my bones are broken…..

My heart breaks even more than all the bones and physical infirmities that we have. To suffer against mysteries of this depth and length break a momma’s heart. We will fix this, we will conquer it, we will succeed. There is no other option. There is no way I would ever give up.

Am I left without help?

Why am I deprived of peace?

Yet I am reminded each day and therefore I have hope. There is something to live for, something to fight for, people with answers and help. I never know how we are going to pay or survive some days, but the next day always comes. There is an ebb and flow to these crisis and we will ride it out like a storm.

Because of the Lord’s great love our family has survived and will thrive again. We will not be consumed because “great is His faithfulness”. His compassions never cease to amaze me and they never fail, they are new every morning.

The Lord is my portion – my fill – my protector – my provider and we will wait on Him, we will trust Him.

We are not broken. I am not broken. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)

Perspective in the storm, in the pit, whether it is your first, second or “you can’t count anymore” time in the pit. Our devotional this morning has me reading from Lamentations 3 and I realize that I am not alone. Many have seen affliction – many have suffered – many have been drowning and felt it was their burden to bear.

I am not alone. I am not broken.

Great in His faithfulness. Tomorrow will come and with it His mercies – every single day after that too.

Blessings and healing,

Janice Fairbairn

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